Feeling Down

I don't feel well now, I have the flu. After adrenal exhaustion now this? Is there more to come?

Minutes ago I was also turned down. But before that I thought I would be lucky to meet a nice person online. Yes he was nice to me. He answered all of my questions. I even got to get a snapshot of him with his permission. :) I promised not to show his pic to anyone, and that I will with full conviction. He trusted me. He was also kind enough to ask for my skype. This is a rare occasion in my life. So I grabbed it at the soonest.



While waiting for him, I composed myself after being overwhelmed of his cuteness. We chatted for a few seconds and I showed him his smiling photo. That was the wrong move that I made though. He asked for my photo and I said that I can't for I am a paranoid. I don't easily trust people. I know that I let him down. But before I could have my rebuttal my internet was lowing down. I wasn't able to tell my side of the story. He didn't know that I am still in war with my identity.

I don't know if he is nice or was just pretending. He never knew of my state in the first place. He might have been really a nice person. I can't blame him for distrusting me, he gave his full trust in me. I can't blame myself either, I am not comfortable yet with what I am.

How sad how the events suddenly changed. I wish I can meet someone like him again. Maybe in that time being I hope that I have already found myself. And for me to trust people who are really nice.